Today 2:1

And I went on. I went on remembering the pain and dismissing any need for attachment in what I had. Always looking outside. I didn’t want to believe that I was in charge, I felt like my purpose was something greater than I could see and it was my heart that would lead me there. It’s been many years since then, not so very many, but enough that I know I was a child then. I never learned how to love someone else. I thought it just happens like magic. And in a way it does, the way I think about it now though is that it is my choice to cast the spells.
Throughout the years I have kept the scar of my first love as my confidant. Of course he and I reconnected, there are some bonds that people share where it takes a great deal to keep them apart. When I asked him years later what or why it happened he could only say he loved me. What took us apart at first was the distance, living on opposite sides of the continent, he moved away with his family, and I left home as well. When he came back I was gone. And in the end, his death two years ago. Nothing is ever timed right I guess. And it was too late when I learned not to look at that scar anymore. Did his death grip me and remind me of the fear of the pain or did it free me and allow me to see that I can truly love?
It did both. I knew love then at that time, during that summer after he passed I developed deeper a beautiful relationship with a friend who I had know for a bit of time. We became close. There was nothing or no one that I had known to compare this man to. I loved him, I still now love him and he felt the same for me. Does he still? Only time will tell but I believe in it. It was nearly two years ago i made the decision to close the door between us, I was so scared. I thought at first my fear was me hurting him and that I was shameful and undeserving of a love as his. I also think now I was just or more afraid of being hurt myself. So selfish.
It’s been a while now, we continued to reconnect. The feelings for me got stronger each time, too strong that they came running, rushing out of me. There is no denial or hiding now.
Now..I’m such a mess, I’ve made so many mistakes since then, my web is more than tangles, it’s a knot. Sometimes it takes fire.

By honeyrangler Posted in journal

Wired 2

I lost myself within you
And then you went away
Now I wander searching
For that time so right
That moment divine
When I am found again

Love me I love you
Love me from the inside out
From the soul to the mind
To the body
To the final word or wish
The truth in you in me

By honeyrangler Posted in poetry

Black eyed Molly (lyrics)

Deep and dark are my true love’s eyes,
Blacker still is the winter’s turning,
As the sadness of parting proves.
And brighter now is the lantern burning
That lightens my path to love.

No fiddle tune will take the air,
But I will see his swift feet dancing
And the swirl of his dark brown hair,
His smiling face and his dark eyes glancing
As we stepped out Blinkbonny Fair.

And if my waiting prove in vain,
Then I will pack and track ever take me.
The long road will ease my pain.
No jewel of mankind would ever make me
Whisper love’s words again.

For in drink I’ll seek good company,
My ears will ring with the tavern’s laughter,
And I’ll hear not his last sweet sigh.
And who’s to know in the morning after
How I long for his dear dark eyes
How I long for his dear dark eyes
How I long for his dear dark eyes

By honeyrangler Posted in music

The search 1:1

I’ve lost my muse
I’ve lost my inspiration
My days are silent
My dreams are black
And empty

Strange to think
How one can affect another
So deeply
And now I am changed

Visions go round and round
I do everything to forget that I am
And soon I do fade
Into darkness

Searching grasping and so in need
Consumed by this black emptiness
Searching for some sign or light
And then suddenly I realize it is me

I am the light in the darkness
I am consumed by its peace
I am what’s found in the emptiness
Maybe something is searching for me

By honeyrangler Posted in poetry

Slow dawn 1

I thought I would know just what to do
I thought it easy as long as I’m true
I thought just to persist through the darkness till light
But there is no sign of morning
I’m grasping in darkness and
Blind is my sight

I was so sure of the naturalness
As I sat in the waters edge
Washing away my fears
But instead of release
They turned to shine and be clean
Now in full grandeur able to mock my heart and torment my mind

By honeyrangler Posted in poetry

Yours

I am alone?
I feel like I am with you
Within you and you within me
When I close my eyes
All else melts away
I hear you voice
Feel you as if right there

Your voice
Whisper to me
Call to me
I dare not open my eyes

Over time it grows stronger
What is the price I have paid
To know the truth in this
To know everything but hold nothing

By honeyrangler Posted in poetry

Letters in the park

I used to write you love letters
And leave them in the park
Little wishes left for you to find
A little voice inside your heart

I’ve written to you
Over and over
All my fears and secrets
My desires, who I am

I used to take the letters
And leave them in the park
Under rocks or inside bushes
A place to hide away

Now they are left unwritten
Once the words are spoken
The clocks moves ever quickly to that hour
Will the spell be broken?

By honeyrangler Posted in poetry